Today I tell the story of a faraway place called the Pizza Republic, where everyone, under the protection of the Pizza Politicians, ate Pizza for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, and most everybody liked it that way. 

Most everybody liked it this way, except a few. These people, strung out far and wide across the Republic, hated pizza and wanted to eat pasta, like they did in United Plurality of Pasta Principalities, the Pizza Republic’s enemy.

The few strange people that craved Pasta came together to form the Pasta Party of the Pizza Republic. They went around spreading Pro Pasta Propaganda and protested the prominence of Pizza.

The Pizza Politicians were afraid of the Pasta Party, as they loved their pizza, and their power came from Pizza. They thought that the Pasta Party was bad news for pizza lovers. So they sent the Pizza Police to throw Pasta Party Participants into Pizza Prison.

But the Pasta Party thought that they hadn’t broken any laws. So they filed a lawsuit against the Pizza Republic. The Process was long, but the dispute made it all the way up to the Peak Panel of Pizza Peacemakers. With the trial date set, both sides would have a fair opportunity to argue who was breaking the law.

Peak Panel of Pasta Peacekeepers

The Pasta Party went first. “The Pasta Party has not broken any legitimate law. Printed in parchment in the very first paragraph of the Bill of Rights is the Right to Complain about your Food. The Pasta Party has committed no violence, but only complained about having to eat Pizza.” argued the Pasta Petitioner.