My dedication is to an artist named Lee Know, who inspired me by a song of his called "Limbo" which is about a love story, which my book will be about.

I decided to base my story on his song, since limbo for me has a beautiful meaning and full of love, limbo is not only heartbreak, it is another way of looking at what love is.

That's why I dedicate this book to Lee Know.

chapter one: limbo

Oliver has always been there for as long as I can remember. I met him in kindergarten and from the first moment I knew he would be my best friend. We were just kids when we began to discover feelings for each other.

I was 13 years old when I finally accepted that I liked him, but I was afraid, afraid of what others would say to me, the teachers, my friends, my family, him.

hide that love all my life, I wanted to try but I was never brave and less in these things of love, Oliver did not tell me anything about it either and I thought he was the only one to feel that.

Every time I saw him I felt nervous and anxious even though I saw him every day at school, and our mothers became friends so he often went to my house and I to his.

We entered a new school and that's where everything got complicated, at first glance he seemed like someone quiet and serious, but when you talked to him an enormous warmth invaded your body, the sad thing is that not everyone saw him that way, he was very quiet and reserved but he wasn't bad, he was just shy, his classmates didn't see him like that, they saw him as someone strange and they began to treat him badly, first it was the exclusion, then the hurtful words and finally the blows. 

He was only 15 years old, I was a year younger, so we didn't stay together, each one to a different degree.

he was an average student, although he was very intelligent he did not like to stand out in any aspect except for one. And he was painting, he loved to paint, he expressed his feelings through his works and even if they were things as simple as a flower, a sunset or an ice cream, you could see Oliver's passion for art.

Even as his life slowly darkened, he brightened mine. I found out about the bullying he suffered for being lonely and shy, his classmates also discriminated against him for being gay.

I didn't know until one day he was so bad that I saw him cry and tell himself why he had to be born like this, because he had to be a phenomenon for society, because he wasn't just normal.

 That day I realized how much people without a little empathy for others had destroyed him.

he always had such a lovely smile when we were together, he made me laugh with his jokes that were mean but made me happy.

but when we separated he became another person, a person who no longer wanted to try, he stopped being himself, he stopped smiling, he stopped shining, he stopped painting, he stopped liking the things he had always liked, he stopped worry about himself.I supported him in everything I could, he was just a child who suffered the evil of the world, I always told him that it was okay to be gay.

Although I never told him that I was too, I guess I thought it wasn't the right time, I was only 14 years old and I thought it was a phase but it wasn't, it wasn't a phase because even as the years went by I kept liking him more and more.

 I know that if I had said what I really felt for him, he would not care about the opinion of his parents, friends, people or colleagues. he would have supported me and accepted me as I was because he was like that too, and I regret not having told him sooner.

He started to get sick, he never told me, but it was so noticeable. he looked so exhausted, sad and without courage, but when we were together he smiled again that same smile that captivated me years ago.

He never wanted to show how bad he was, I don't know why he did.

On December 21, we were both walking and he told me something that I didn't understand until now.

He told me “no matter what happens, or what fate brings us, I will always have you in my heart and you know it. I want you to be happy always, meet your goals and face your fears. Sam, you know I love you ever since we met in that garden."

I didn't tell him anything, I just went blank, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but my fear was bigger. he knew that he was not prepared to confess what he felt and he understood it.

That day at night, almost dawn, I couldn't sleep, I was overthinking everything, repeating over and over again what would happen if I told him everything I felt, I was afraid to say it out loud, if it didn't work, if I couldn't be the person what he expected.

Am I the right person for him?

can i make him happy?

am i enough?

questions that were so constant throughout the night, and in the end I came to a conclusion, I wanted to tell him that I loved him even so if it didn't work I wanted to tell him, that his smile was the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life, his eyes with that brightness that He gave life just by seeing them, his passion for art, his way of being. his entire being was a work of art.

so i decided to tell him the next day.

I got up late since it was Saturday also because I couldn't sleep, and the first thing I did was write to him, I sent him a text message. I waited all day for him to answer me, but he didn't.

I called him, he went straight to voice mail.

Night had already fallen, it was so cold that winter night, that I put on the biggest coat I had to go to his house, I thought he was angry about what happened the day before and I decided that the best thing was to go talk to him.

When I arrived he was not there, nor was his family, everything was dark without a single light in that house.

I didn't know what to do, it was when I saw the door of the house ajar, I decided to go in and look for him.

I went straight to his room but he wasn't there.