I love me Nan. I truly do. But she lives in the English countryside and every time we visit it's so boring. She makes me watch some show on the telly called "Coronation Street" and is always talking about the "old days." She's been very lonely ever since me Granddad passed away five years ago so we try to visit her as often as possible. This weekend my parents are going to a business conference and so I will be staying with me Nan. I really hope that something interesting happens. But I doubt it.

"Alright Rupert, you be a good boy for your Nan and we'll see you Sunday evening." "Okay Mum. Bye Dad." "Don't worry about him Judy, I'm sure we're going to have a lot of fun this weekend. Won't we Rupert?" "Yes Nan" I half-heartedly replied. My parents kissed me and Nan goodbye and left for their trip. "Put your bags in the bedroom Rupert and then we're going to head into town. I need to pick up some things at the market. I know how much you fancy liver and onions." "Yucky!" "What was that Luv?" "I said yummy!"

On the way into town I noticed that we were being followed quite closely by a group of hooligans on motorbikes. They were weaving back and forth as they began to surround the car. I know me Nan tends to drive on the slow side but something about this didn't feel right. I started to panic. "What are we going to do Nan?" "Don't worry Luv. Nan will handle this. Take the wheel won't you?" "What?" Me Nan rolled out of the car armed with only her handbag, to confront the hoodlums. She's a 75-year old woman. What was she thinking???

With her bare hands, me Nan took out the entire gang. If I hadn't seen it with me own two eyes I would've never believed it. "Me grandson and are trying to enjoy a lovely Saturday afternoon in town. Please refrain from following us further." The gang of bikers moaned and groaned in pain before they fled the scene.  I sat there with my mouth agape and me eyes bulging out of their sockets."I guess I should explain what just happened back there?"

Before she could explain herself, something started beeping on the dashboard. A video screen popped up and an elderly man began talking. "Mrs. Hargreaves! Jolly nice to see you again!" "Hello there Winston! This is me grandson Rupert." "Looks like a smashing young man. Anyways, our old foes, RUBBISH are back and have plans to take over the world." "Oh dear!" "We need you to come out of retirement and defeat these scoundrels once and for all. You were always Scotland Yard's most talented spy." "But I have me grandson this weekend." "Take him with you. I think some adventure will do the lad a world of good." "Alright then. Cheerio!"

"Well, it looks like my secret life has been revealed." "I'm gobsmacked Nan. You're a spy?" "Former spy. That's how I met your Granddad actually. We both worked as spies for Scotland Yard before his accident." "Do Mum and Dad know about this?" "Oh no. I could never let them know. It was for their own safety. I had to keep it a secret to protect them from some of the enemies I've made over the years." I was in shock. I never thought me sweet Nan lead such an exciting life. "Blimey! It looks like we have company. You have to admit, this is pretty fun innit?" "I guess so...........whoaaaaaaaaaa!!!!" I exclaimed as me Nan pressed down on hard on the gas pedal.

YE OLDE TEA ROOM

"Excellent thinking Nan! We'll hide here til those yobs have left the area." "Actually it's time for afternoon tea and biscuits. No matter what I'm doing, I always stop and enjoy a nice cup of tea and some gossip with the ladies." "Hello ladies" me Nan said to her friends. "Who's this handsome bloke?" one of her friends asked. "I'm her grandson Rupert." "What a delightful young man" she replied. "Have you seen the latest episode of Corrie? Can you believe what Giles said to Fiona?" another women chimed in. For the next half-hour I sat there trying not to nod off.  BOOM! "What was that?" me Nan asked. When we looked outside we saw that our car had been blown to bits.

"Quick Rupert! Follow me out the back door!" I followed me Nan outside where we climbed a stairwell that lead to the roof of the building next door. It was pretty tall. "Hold on tight Luv. I have a plan." Another group of bikers had followed us up the stairwell. How was me Nan going to get us out of this jam? "Have you ever seen seen Mary Poppins Rupert?" "When I was five you brought to the cinema and....oh no! You're not gonna?" "Here we go!"  I closed me eyes as we floated through the air. When I opened them I was relieved to see that we had landed safely on the top of a double-decker bus. I wish I spent more time with my Nan. She's brilliant!

Just when it looked like we were going to escape, the bus was soon boxed in by a pair of garbage trucks. It had to be RUBBISH. They let everyone else on the bus go except for me Nan and I. "We got her!" one of the men shouted into a walkie-talkie. "Bring her to my secret island lair." "She's not alone. She has a young partner as well." "Bring the little bugger with you then." "What are we gonna do Nan. I'm scared." "Don't worry Rupert. We'll be home in time in plenty of time to watch Britain's Got Talent. Oh that Simon is so saucy!" "You're not worried?" "Not in the least."

The hoodlums drove me Nan and I down to the docks where we were greeted by a cranky old git. It was a cold and damp journey as we traveled down the River Thames. I could see the bad guys' hideout off in the distance. "Pardon me sir. What kind of boat is this?" "It's called a dinghy." "Heh! Heh! You said dinghy." The old man glared at me without breaking smile. I remained silent for the remainder of our trip. When we arrived at the island we were taken inside by a group of bikers. We were escorted into an empty room where we waited for their leader to arrive. "Well if it isn't me old nemesis Margaret Hargreaves." "You? You're still alive?"