Mercury is dropping a package for Hera, let’s listen in. . . .

MERCURY

Look out below!

(Sound of a piano crate banging against a palace floor)

HERA

What the ----

MERCURY

I’m sorry, Hera, I can’t hear very well right now. I’ve been fighting with Zeus and Vulcan all day about your birthday present and with all that shouting, Vulcan wounded our ears.

HERA

And I care because?

MERCURY

(shouting) I can barely hear you! . . . Vulcan made your husband a hearing aid, but he ignored me and now my hearing is worse off than my winged sandals—shot to Hades

MERCURY

Your messenger boy—ME—can barely see where he’s flying—

HERA

Is that why you just dropped a house on Mount Olympus?

MERCURY

It’s not a house, it’s your birthday present—and it’s from Zeus, not me.

HERA

Birthday present? Hold on while I get a crowbar and—

MERCURY

(Sotto voce) The queen of the gods, with a crowbar in her hands and mad as a hatter—I’m not hanging around for that.

(Sound of winged feet hurrying off)

HERA

It’s as big as a piano crate—could it be?

(Sound of Hera tearing into the crate with her crowbar and bare hands)

MERCURY

(Sotto voce) The queen of the gods, with a crowbar in her hands and mad as a hatter—I’m not hanging around for that.

(Sound of winged feet hurrying off)

HERA

It’s as big as a piano crate—could it be?

(Sound of Hera tearing into the crate with her crowbar and bare hand

HERA

What kind of fool do you think I am, Zeus, playing tricks on me on my birthday! Another box inside this one. Very funny. Very funny, indeed!

(Sound of Hera whacking the box with a crow bar)

What the…? 

Come on, Zeus, a box inside a box inside another box? Very funny and this one’s steel.

 What have you and that doggone Vulcan been up to? I know you’ve spent hours in his workshop but I thought it was just another of your philandering excuses to go off and play some hanky-panky with another of your earthling girlfriends, but this? This is just mean, Zeus! (beat) Downright mean!