TEACHER: Hello. Today we are going to learn about diving and the 10 metre platform. Now try to dive as good as Tom Daley as this will get you into the Olympics.

HEADMASTER: And there is to be no splashing ladies swimming costumes during competition. That includes the diver Tonia Couch.

POOL TEACHER: Hello pupils.

We will start on the 1 metre springboard.

PUPIL: May I use the toilet please?

POOL TEACHER: Yes, but hurry back.

PUPIL: I'm going to turn this diving school into Jungle Run. I better do it quickly.

POOL TEACHER: Could all you professional divers go up onto 10 metre. We have the diving cup in 2 days.

HEADMASTER: I hear a racket outside the changing rooms. I'm going to find out what it is.

VISITOR 1: We need to go to the Swamp

VISITOR 2: We need to go to the Abandoned Camp

VISITOR 3: We need to go to the Chasm

VISITOR 4: We need to go to the Tomb

VISITOR 5: We need to go to the Rapids

HEADMASTER: This is not Jungle Run, this is a diving school

VISITOR 1: But, the sign outside says Jungle Run.

HEADMASTER: I'm going to check it for myself

PUPIL: I'm back on poolside.

POOL TEACHER: Young lad, get up on the 3m board and learn the double somersaults. You'll need to learn this to win the diving cup next week.

CARETAKER: Young lad, come outside right now!