Hi. I'm Luna. I need some help. 

I've heard some spooky kooky sounds being uttered. Yelp! 

They've got me curious and furious, frantic and fluttered,

It's the General American language, when muttered, I shudder. 

I can't sleep!  It won't stop! It's lunacy! 

Maybe you can help me? Listen up and see...

It started one cold October night. 

There were fifteen Howling Vowels in sight. 

The first three--diphthongs--vowels coupled together--

Doubling the troubling, in the same bitter syllable!

First were the foul aʊ sounds 

That plowed the castle grounds

Of a mouse and a louse playing house

Next to an aʊl who lost her blouse.

Secondly were the aɪ cries

From horrifying eyes.

Imagine my surprise

When I found the spaɪdər 

Spying in disguise?

Ahoy! What's all the noise?

Legions of deploying ɔɪ joys

Roaring from wild girls and boys

Guising for tricks, candies, and tɔɪz!

I can never erase the vexatious malaise

Caused by the  strange neighing bay

Going eɪ. eɪ, eɪ

Of what, I cannot say!

A trace of the alien face

Stays gaping out of the heɪ.

Antagonizing my ears and causing me tears

Were a cacophony of æ yaps rapping for years.

Actuated from spats between aggravated black bæts,

Fighting over who gets which Halloween hats.

You can only imagine

 The million ɪ sounds hissing 

Invoked by an intimidating wɪʧ

Kissing while she was fishing.

Oh and what bothered me the most?

'Twas the moaning and groaning oʊ boasts 

Blowing over and over the coast 

From the ferocious gloating goʊsts!

Creek! Creek! Creek! 

The evil mʌmi never sleeps!

He made the creeping i sound 

Every time he peeked!

Again and again 

Every night at ten

That's when 

The inelegant ə sounds 

Begin

Of the frivolous skɛlətən.

Not to mention all the calls 

Through the walls and down the halls,

The ɔ sound that gnaws 

From the scratching klɔz, 

Without pause, without pause!

Then the endless flow and ebb 

Of an  ɛ e-echoing 

Eh Eh Eh in my head

From the airy hairy wɛb.

And in the parlor was a holler

Of an ɑ sound among the squalor

Of a hotdog-gobbling gɑblɪn.

Wearing a frog and dog collar.

Not to mention my apprehension 

That simply would not dull

Of the pulling lulling ʌ song

Crooned by a cruddy bloody skʌl!

Look, I just shook

When I mistook 

The unhooked ʊ woof

Of the book nook kʊk...

For the oh so spooky hooting

Of a couth u cooing 

Of the monster we call  bugi

Chewing, booing, and tatooing!

I know I sound like a scaredy-cat,

But I assure you I am not. 

There were gangs of crazy consonants. 

Twenty-four total! Now, that's a lot!

I'll start with those Explosive Plosive patters

Of which there were six. 

Instead of tasty yummy treats,

They made sticky stopping tricks!

First, there were the ping-pong pounding  p sounds parading from a parrot and his paɪrət...

Then in the bog and the fog

In the west and the east, 

Was a booming b beat 

From a big brown bist.

Oh and the rapping t tapping, 

Terrible for my soul,  

Drumming till the end of time 

From a terrifying troʊl.

Let's not forget, to my undelight,

Disturbing all the nights

That drowning dead  d drumming 

Of a dancing  drægən strumming.

Night after night

Clatter as loud as a squadron

Went the crinkling k crackling 

Of candies cooking in a kɑldrən.

Oh and the grating grumbling growls,

So cruel!

Of the ghastly grring g sounds 

Groaned between Gozilla and two gulz!

gggg

ggg

First the mad mɜrmeɪd mouthed monstrous m melodies, moody and monotone they made so many calamities.

Next were the Nosey Nasals: 

Noisy, voicey, and menacing.

Nosey Nasals--there were three. 

Never mum and mute,

Just listen up and see!

No, I can never forget 

The neurotic n nagging

Of the nebulous nɪnʤə

With the newt pet.

I can't think. I'm on the brink!

As long as there's a mʌŋki

Going ŋ, clunk clank, clink!

Do you want to know what's worse?

The Freakin' Fricatives! 

What a curse!

All nine of them are eeky. 

Each of them I hate.

Help me stop them, please,

Before it's  all too late!

They were fickle, they were feisty 

 Always flying in a flutter

'Twas the fightin', fittin'  fɛriz

Flickin' f flames with every mutter.