The moment I open my eyes today, I knew that this day was not "that" day. My chest feels so heavy, and I feel so tired even though my day wasn't starting yet. I literally breakdown minutes before our class. I don't why, but I just feel like crying, like that's the only thing that can make my heart lighter. I was thinking of not attending the synchronous session because I'm not really feeling well mentally. I'm mentally unstable right now but I have to attend to my responsibilities as a student. Plus, next week we won't be able to meet since it's our wellness break. I think the impact of this is that I should know how to control my emotions and thoughts so that they won't be a hindrance when it comes to my academic responsibilities. What I've learned from this is I should take care of myself more especially mentally. I should know what are my priorities and how can I attend to that priorities. 

We have a very tough schedule today since we have to attend 3 synchronous sessions and one of them is 2 hours long. Our class ended at 4:30 in the afternoon. And my friends suddenly asks us to meet. My original plan was to at least do my asynchronous tasks for the week so that my burden will be lessened, but I decided to go out. I believe that I really need it, I really their presence. We don't do much, we just laugh and eat together. I really need some distractions right now since I'm overwhelmed with all the uncertainties that I'm feeling right now. And I have to say it really helps me. To take my mind off things even just for a while.  I've learned in this that I do really need people – my people. The relationship really does help us to feel better. Sometimes our minds tend to tell us to shut them off, isolate ourselves and make us believe that is what we really when it is not. Connect to other people, have a healthy baby and you will be happy.

Today is Wednesday, a free day! Meaning no synchronous class for today but there's still much to do. I was able to finish one asynchronous task because it is due tomorrow. There are still 2 tasks I should be doing but I didn't have the energy to do them today.  I decided not to push myself to do more since I'm not really in the mood to reflect anyways.  I would just waste my time pushing myself and I know that even if I finish it I won't be satisfied.  I guess the impact of this decision is that little by little I'm able to respect myself. In a way that if I wasn't in the mood or if I don't have the energy to do something, I have to give myself a break.  I should know and understand myself when it is asking me to stop. Or else I would lose myself every time trying to comply or do everything all at once. Because before my mindset was like "I should finish all my requirements today so that I will have my me-time later." It was all okay to me until I realized that I'm harming myself more if I keep doing it. I recognize that I'm not a robot. I have my limits and I should know when to recognize them.

My friends visited me at my house because we forgot to give our money share the last time we met. And I decided to walk them to the terminal of the tricycle.  I was actually doing something when they came to my house and I just hibernate the laptop for a while but when I was walking them to the terminal, they insisted that I should go with them to the mall. So we walk and walk and walk. We didn't ride any vehicle. I guess we walked almost 3km distance. Lately, as I was always saying, I'm so tired of doing academic-related activities all the time. I feel like I wasted my whole year in 2020 by doing that. I rarely have time for other things. My rest is when I'm in bed watching videos and series in order to sleep.  It was refreshing but tiring at the same time. It's my first time again walking outside that long. And it's good to talk with them and just talk about life. As I was always saying, I guess by doing this, little by little I'm doing myself a favor. I'm really on edge lately and if I don't do anything about it I'll probably lose myself again. I just needed to take my mind off of things that cause me stress.